[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” da_disable_devices=”off|off|off” global_colors_info=”{}” da_is_popup=”off” da_exit_intent=”off” da_has_close=”on” da_alt_close=”off” da_dark_close=”off” da_not_modal=”on” da_is_singular=”off” da_with_loader=”off” da_has_shadow=”on”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
Here’s a scenario I hear about regularly from teens (and their parents): they\u2019re spending hours a day messaging, commenting, and scrolling. They have hundreds of online “friends,” are bombarded by constant notifications, and never more than a few seconds from contact with someone. Yet, despite all that, they feel isolated, lonely, and disconnected.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Teens are growing up in arguably the most \u201cconnected\u201d time in human history, and yet they feel more alone than any generation before them.<\/span><\/p>\n It may sound like a contradiction, but it\u2019s not. If you\u2019re raising a teen, then you\u2019ve likely seen some version of this firsthand in your own kids or their peers. <\/span>Social media has fundamentally changed how teenagers connect \u2013 for better, and for worse.<\/b> While it has expanded some kinds of connection, it has consistently reduced others. Understanding these impacts is key to helping teens build a social life that supports development and meets their needs.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n In the interest of being fair (and because a blanket “social media is bad” message tends to shut down rather than inviting dialogue), I\u2019d like to start things off on a high note by recognizing the <\/span>potential relational benefits of social media<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n For some children, online connection can be genuinely valuable. Teens with niche interests can find communities they don\u2019t have access to locally. Those who are shy or socially anxious often find it easier to start conversations via text as opposed to in person. Teens with chronic illness, disabilities, or marginalized identities frequently tell me <\/span>they find their first real sense of belonging online<\/b>. When it comes to maintaining relationships at a distance, such as a friend who moved or a cousin in another state, these platforms can work well.<\/span><\/p>\n The research on teen social media use and connection reflects this nuance. Studies distinguish between social media that <\/span>stimulates<\/span><\/i> connection and social media that <\/span>displaces<\/span><\/i> it. The same app can do either, depending on how it’s used.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n The problem isn’t as simple as \u201cconnection online\u201d. It’s an issue of what online connection tends to replace, and what it can do to a teen’s sense of themselves in relationships with their peers.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 1. Displacement of in-person time<\/strong><\/p>\n A recent research study <\/span>examining social media use and loneliness<\/span><\/a> in adolescents found that <\/span>problematic social media use showed the strongest association with loneliness<\/b> of any usage pattern studied.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Problematic use includes aimless scrolling for long periods of time and hyper fixation on \u201clikes\u201d or \u201cclicks\u201d. One of the reasons we think loneliness increases is what we call \u201cdisplacement\u201d – the reduction of time engaging in-person as time spent online increases.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Heavy reliance on social media for social gratification weakens real-world relationships and support systems of teens over time. <\/span>An hour spent scrolling on social media is an hour not spent at a friend’s house<\/b>, at band or soccer practice, or in the kind of unstructured face-to-face time where relational closeness gets built.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 2. Passive consumption over connection<\/strong><\/p>\n There’s an important difference between messaging a friend back and forth and silently watching a hundred people’s stories. Most of what teens do on social media is the latter, as they\u2019re <\/span>observing the lives of other people without actually participating in them<\/b>. That experience delivers all the social information of a room full of people, but with none of the warmth and connection that occurs in real relationships.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 3. The comparison trap<\/strong><\/p>\n Teens are at a developmental stage where they\u2019re often comparing themselves to their peers. Social media hands them an endless curated feed for doing that; and often <\/span>they decide that everybody else’s life looks better<\/b>. The result is a consistent <\/span>feeling that they\u2019re falling short<\/span><\/a>, which is something that in-person friendships rarely do.<\/span><\/p>\n 4. FOMO creates a loop<\/strong><\/p>\n Research examining <\/span>loneliness and problematic social media use in adolescents<\/span><\/a> found that fear of missing out (FOMO) helps explain the connection between loneliness and problematic use of social media. Social comparison anxiety and <\/span>compulsive online monitoring<\/span><\/a> are specifically to blame.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This is a cycle I see in my clinic regularly – a teen feels left out, checks social media to see what they’re missing, sees evidence confirming they’re missing something, feels worse, and then checks again. This becomes <\/span>a recurring loop that increases loneliness rather than fostering any kind of meaningful connection<\/b>. These platforms that promise to make kids feel included are often the very thing making them feel excluded and alone.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n The younger the child, the more vulnerable they are to all these dynamics. A 12- or 13-year-old doesn’t yet have the perspective to recognize that a feed is curated, the emotional regulation to shake off a night of seeing a party they weren’t invited to, or the social experience to know that a friendship group’s online activity isn’t the whole story.<\/span><\/p>\n This is one more reason why<\/span> I recommend that kids not have their own personal social media accounts until at least age 16<\/b>. It’s not about restriction for its own sake, but to protect the years when in-person friendship skills are actually being built and when a teen’s sense of their own social worth is most fragile. Every child is different, but it\u2019s important to understand <\/span>what to look for when making this decision for your kids<\/span><\/a>: for example, having a healthy level of self-esteem, demonstrating offline social skills, and thinking through the consequences of different actions.<\/span><\/p>\nThe good: <\/b>social media has potential connection benefits for teens<\/span><\/h2>\n
The bad:<\/strong> social media can also impact how children relate to others<\/span><\/h2>\n
Why social media can impact younger teens more<\/strong><\/h2>\n