As parents, we\u2019re overwhelmed. It can sometimes feel like we\u2019ve tried every method in the book to get our children to step away from the screen. The most common approaches depend on your parenting style: ranging from authoritarian to permissive. Which of them really works?<\/span><\/p>\n Here are the 4 main ways parents typically ask their children to turn screens off, and how they usually play out:<\/b><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n Parent: \u201c<\/span>Turn off the phone.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Child: \u201c<\/span>Why<\/span><\/i>?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Parent: \u201c<\/span>Because I said so<\/span><\/i>.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Authoritarian parenting is well-summarized by the saying \u201cDo as I say, not as I do.\u201d In reality, approaches aside: We\u2019ve all been there. So fed up with having said the same thing over and over that we feel this is the last and only resort to getting our child to do what we want. Authoritarian parenting uses strict rules, and demands high standards.<\/span><\/p>\n Once in a while, this probably won\u2019t hurt, but if it\u2019s your only recourse, it\u2019s important to remember that a child who submits to an order that they don\u2019t understand gets used to obeying orders, and doing what they are asked to do without taking into account their needs or interests.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n \u201c<\/span>Turn off the phone now! Put it down now or else! Turn it off, didn\u2019t you hear me?<\/span><\/i>\u201c<\/span><\/p>\n Yelling, screaming and other aggressive ways of communicating may get instant results, but they often also produce fear and insecurity and can result in children being afraid of making mistakes or disappointing their parents.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Children who are often yelled at tend to end up with low self-esteem. <\/span>Screaming and shouting can often be an indication of stress or negative triggers<\/b> – we all know how overwhelming being a parent is! It\u2019s important to take a look at those moments where you might have trouble keeping your anger in check, such as in times of high stress, and seek help and support.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n Children in permissive parenting situations have the freedom to make their own decisions: it\u2019s up to them when they switch off their phone, or put their computer away. <\/span>Children who are allowed to make their own choices generally have good self-esteem, but on the flip side, they often have difficulty self-regulating<\/b>, as they can easily act on impulse. If your goal is to have kids spend less time behind devices, even establishing some base rules helps them know what to expect and how to act accordingly.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n \u201c<\/span>We are going to turn off your tablet in 2 minutes. You cannot keep watching it because too much screen time is not good for you. Let\u2019s talk about why! Too much time on your tablet is not good for your brain or your body.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n When you read a book, your brain works, and when we play outside together, your body works. Exercising your brain and body is healthy and will make you happy. How about you use your tablet again after dinner?<\/span><\/i>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Asking in this calm, fact-based style encourages self-confident, responsible and happy children.<\/b> This clear style of communication is one of the healthiest ways of interacting with our children, and it can be adapted as children grow, showing openness and flexibility, but with limits that are non-negotiable. <\/span>We set rules that we hope they will follow<\/span><\/a>, but we also know that there are exceptions to those rules and we help them get back on track.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/static.qustodio.com\/public-site\/uploads\/2024\/12\/17095140\/2024-11-Blog-Best-way-to-ask-your-child-to-disconnect-from-screens_InsideImage.jpg” alt=”dad asking son to put device down and end screen time” title_text=”2024-11 %91Blog%93 Best way to ask your child to disconnect from screens_InsideImage” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n Getting down to your child\u2019s level (in the case of young children), or sitting down with them, gently explaining<\/span> the why behind things<\/b> while looking them in the eye<\/b> is the best approach. Many children don\u2019t really understand why they shouldn\u2019t be in front of a screen for so long, and it doesn\u2019t <\/span>help either if they see <\/b>their parents glued to one<\/b><\/a> for much of the day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Screaming and anger might work in the moment, but in the long run, it\u2019s dialogue and consistency that gets the best results. In general, when we explain the reasons why to children, and when we are consistent, it\u2019s easier for them to follow the rules. W<\/span>hen parents are firm but calm, listen to the child\u2019s point of view and explain why something is bad<\/b> instead of punishing them, their children grow up to be happier, more responsible, determined and successful, with <\/span>higher self-esteem<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Of course there is not just one way to parent. And <\/span>we all make mistakes<\/b>. It is not easy and we shouldn\u2019t feel guilty: but we must find a balance between what is best for them and for us.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s important to remember that developing self-control is usually difficult for children, especially when it comes to technology. But staying calm and explaining why we do things goes a long way for kids. This factual style is true for all conflicts, and screen time is a great chance to practice using it – your efforts will be rewarded in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Getting kids to cut down on screen time is one of the biggest challenges parents face\u00a0 today. In this age of rapidly changing technology and crisis after crisis, much of what we do feels like we are part of some big experiment.\u00a0 As parents, we\u2019re overwhelmed. It can sometimes feel like we\u2019ve tried every method […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":77498,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" Getting kids to cut down on screen time<\/strong> is one of the biggest challenges parents have today. In this age of rapidly changing technology and crisis after crisis, much of what we do feels like it has no reference, like we are part of some big new experiment. But research does exist and common sense does still apply. And as a family psychologist, I have the additional advantage of seeing what has worked and what hasn\u2019t for the parents who come into my practice looking for help getting their children to unplug and get off devices.\u00a0<\/p> I can tell you parents are overwhelmed<\/a> right now. They\u2019ve tried every method in the book to ask their children to disconnect from screens. So let\u2019s get to it. <\/p><\/div> Sitting down and calmly talking to your children, explaining the why behind things while looking them in the eye is the best approach. Many children do not understand why they should not be in front of a screen for so long and it does not help when they see their parents almost all day glued to one. Screaming and anger do not do any good in the long run, dialogue does. In general, when we explain the reasons why to children, and when we are consistent, it is easier for them to follow the rules.<\/p> Every study I have read has come to the same conclusion: when parents are firm but calm and they listen to the child's point of view and explain why something is bad instead of punishing them, their children grow up to be happier, more responsible, determined and successful, with higher self-esteem.<\/p> Of course there is not just one way to parent. And we all make mistakes<\/strong>. Most parents want the best for their children even if they do not always act in the best interest of their child\u2019s emotional health. It is not easy and we should not feel guilty, but we must find a balance between what is best for them and for us.\u00a0<\/p><\/div> And it is important to remember that developing self-control with screens is usually difficult for children. But staying calm and explaining why we do things goes a long way for kids. This factual style is true for all conflicts and screen time is actually a great chance to practice using it. I encourage you to continue to use a calm and factual style and to have patience because your efforts will be rewarded in the future. <\/p><\/div> Footnotes:<\/strong><\/p> Further reading on online safety and digital wellbeing:<\/strong><\/p>Parenting style 1: Authoritarian<\/b><\/h2>\n
Parenting style 2: Punishment-driven<\/b><\/h2>\n
Parenting style 3: Permissive<\/b><\/h2>\n
Parenting style 4: Calm and factual<\/b><\/h2>\n
The best way to ask your child to switch off the screen<\/b><\/h2>\n
Find out which of the 4 approaches most parents try to get their children to unplug from digital devices and turn off smartphones really works. <\/h2><\/div>
Here are the 4 main ways parents typically ask their children to turn off the screens, and their consequences:<\/strong><\/h3><\/div>
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