Qustodio team
Experts in digital safety
Parenting in the digital age is complicated enough – co-parenting can make it even harder. It’s not uncommon for opinions about your child’s use of screens to become a source of conflict, especially if your households have different expectations or ways of doing things.
However, setting consistent screen time limits is an important way of ensuring continuity for your child and making sure that they maintain a healthy relationship with technology. We asked family psychologist Maria Guerrero for her tips on how to set screen time rules when you’re co-parenting – and how Qustodio can help.
Take it one step at a time
Depending on your relationship with your co-parent, it may be difficult to decide on every rule in one sitting. You can always start small: choose one aspect of tech use to make a decision about first. This will keep the conversation focused and make it easier to take a pause if you do hit any tension.
If you’re not sure which aspects of your child’s screen time to talk about, then take a look at Qustodio’s digital agreement. It includes a range of conversation starters and ideas to guide your conversations.
Don’t be afraid to set ground rules
Many separated and divorced parents find it difficult to say no to their children without feeling guilty. According to Guerrero, this can be because they want to “make up for their absence, show their love, or alleviate their guilt”. However, in reality, limits give children security, and setting boundaries will help them much more in the long run. Parental control tools like Qustodio are a great way to set regular, consistent limits without the arguments.
Put your child’s wellbeing first
Whenever conflicts arise, it’s important to prioritize your child above all else. Resolving disagreements is not about winning the argument or giving in to your co-parent’s point of view – it’s about coming to the solution that best benefits your child. Whenever you reach a block in your agreements, take a step back and really focus on the outcome you want for them, rather than for yourself.
Create rules based on evidence
Focusing your discussions around proven research will help to take emotion out of the equation. Rather than trying to convince each other of your own opinions, you can focus on the facts around what a healthy relationship with screen time really looks like. Go to your co-parent with information about how much screen time is safe, the impact of using screens before bed, and the effects of technology on your child’s focus. You’ll find your conversations to be more efficient with less room for arguments.
Don’t talk badly of your co-parent around your child
Insulting your co-parent not only creates communication blocks between you, but harms your child as well. Children who are exposed to conflict between their parents – such as observing arguments or having to act as a go-between – express greater fear of abandonment. It’s also much harder to convince your kids to follow the rules you set when they know that you and your co-parent struggled to agree on them in the first place. For these reasons it’s key to put on a united front when it comes to setting screen time rules and save discussions for moments away from your kids.
How Qustodio can help
Set blocks and limits
Once you’ve decided on the boundaries that both you and your co-parent want to set, Qustodio’s parental control tools make it easier to enforce them. Among other things, you can:
- Set daily time limits
- Block inappropriate apps and websites
- Pause the internet at the touch of a button
- Schedule time away from screens
All of these will help ensure your kids stick to the limits you set, wherever they are.
Monitor activity
Qustodio offers a number of ways for you to see how your children are using their devices. Receive activity summaries straight to your inbox or head to the Parents App for more detailed information including exactly what they accessed, and when. You can also switch on activity alerts – so if your child starts using a new app, or tries to open a website you’ve blocked, you’ll know straight away.
Supervise alongside your co-parent
Qustodio’s additional parent feature has been especially designed to help co-parents to supervise their children. It enables you and your co-parent to use your own personal login details for one account – so you don’t need to share your password. You can both log in separately to manage your child’s screen time and see how they’re using their devices, plus receive activity reports in your own inboxes.
If you have a Qustodio account already, you just need to head to your account page, go to the additional parent section and add your co-parent’s email address, then hit invite now. They’ll receive an email inviting them to join your account and will be able to start supervising straight away.
With a combination of Qustodio’s parental control tools and Guerrero’s expert tips, you and your co-parent will be on track to support your child’s wellbeing without the stress.
