Human connection thrives on communication, which takes many forms as we build relationships and social bonds. During adolescence, young and inexperienced brains are still testing boundaries and learning how to connect with others.
We strive to find belonging on the one hand, and assert our independence and agency on the other, and that’s where the difference between the use of humor, teasing, banter, and bullying becomes important.
This happens in real life and in group chats – where the conversation never ends, keeping kids and teens constantly connected to their social circle.
Why can group chats enable bullying?
Group chats in native messaging apps, as well as 3rd-party apps like WhatsApp, Telegram, and Snapchat can become spaces for bullying for several reasons:
No verbal and non-verbal cues
Any kind of digital communication can be problematic because we are stripped of the ability to use our “mirror neurons” to assess both the verbal and non-verbal cues during a conversation. The more complex the dynamics of the conversation, the worse off we are: studies show that sarcasm, in particular, is very hard to detect outside of the in-person setting.
Hiding behind the screen
Digital spaces are particularly conducive to negative behavior because of the ease with which we can either remain anonymous or simply leave the space at any moment, without much repercussion.
Still-developing teen brains
Another factor is young people’s developing brains; this is especially true for the generation of digital natives, and in particular those who are heavier device users. It requires empathy and certain levels of emotional maturity to be sensitive to and respectful of others’ emotional needs, and this requires lots of face-to-face practice.
Group pressure
Online group settings that feel private and have a limited number of participants – unlike the vast realms of social media platforms, for example – bring out certain kinds of social behaviors. They can encourage the formation of sub-groups, the development of the us-vs-them mentality, they make targeting individuals quite easy, and they provide an attentive audience for those who feel the need to assert their power and dominance amongst their peers.
Exclusion
In addition to the different kinds of bullying behaviors young people may experience once they are inside the group chat, there is another important kind that mustn’t be overlooked: being left out of a group chat. Parents and those who work with children need to be aware of this because in some cases, the experience of being excluded or rejected can actually emotionally hurt more than being faced with verbal violence.
Signs a child or teen might be being bullied in group chats
These signs will typically evolve over time, and while some children may respond with more externalizing behaviors, others will respond with more internalizing ones. Keep an eye out for the following changes in mood and behavior:
- Withdrawal
- Nervousness or agitation
- Short-temperedness or proneness to argue
- Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
- An avoidance of using their personal device or a preoccupation with it
- In more extreme cases: depressive or anxious mood and behavior, weight loss or gain, signs of self-harming behavior, worsening of academic performance, and isolation.
What’s the difference between banter and bullying?
This difference can be incredibly hard to decipher, because it requires a certain amount of social and emotional intelligence. In real life, we can read another person’s body language and understand the implications behind their tone of voice, but online and in group chats, it’s much harder to interpret meaning.
There are a few important aspects of banter:
- There is an understanding – whether implicit or explicit – between those inside the conversation that they are using humor to tease each other in a friendly way
- There is no intent to hurt the other person’s feelings by insulting, embarrassing, or devaluing them based on their appearance, ethnicity or religion, socio-economic status, physical or mental abilities, sexuality or sexual orientation, or any other traits or circumstances
- Any differences – for example, in stature or physical ability – aren’t used to scare the person or assert dominance and create a power imbalance
- There is an absence of aggressive, explicit, or offensive language.
We can think of a behavior as bullying if it is meant to embarrass, offend, or hurt someone’s reputation.
What are some other risks of group chats?
Bullying isn’t the only danger to kids and teens when using group chats; they could also be exposed to these concerns:
- Receiving inappropriate content from others without asking for it
- Being pressured for intimate or personal photos
- Strangers or adults being added to the group
- Excessive screen time due to being constantly connected to the chat
- Compulsive need to keep checking in so they don’t “miss out.”
How can I help my child stay safe on messaging apps?
The first step is making the decision around your child’s tech-readiness when it comes to this particular form of online behavior; their biological age is a relevant factor, but even more important are their personality, maturity level, and any special circumstances, such as learning differences or elements of neurodivergence.
Taken together, these will give you a good sense of whether your child is ready to socialize in the unique environment of a group chat. And this may mean that even if you have an 11 or 12-year-old who owns a phone, they may still not be ready for this type of communication – not yet.
If you think your child is ready to use communication apps and group chats, consider these safety tips:
- Help them distinguish between lighthearted joking or teasing, and language that is not appropriate, hurtful, or offensive.
- Remind them regularly that they shouldn’t be afraid to let you or another trusted adult know if they feel uncomfortable or worried about anything they experience inside a group chat.
- Coach them through a few different ways of responding to hurtful, offensive, or any other type of negative online behavior, so that they know how to intervene on their own and a friend’s behalf too.
- Make sure they know how to use the built-in reporting tools inside the communication app to report any severely inappropriate or illegal behavior.
- Consider using parental control tools to help safeguard your teen from the dangers of communication apps and group chats. For example, with Qustodio, you can:
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- Receive alerts when something concerning comes up in your child’s texts, WhatsApp, Instagram, Line, and Snapchat chats.
- Monitor the time they spend on a communication app
- Set time limits for its usage
- Block the app from being opened
- Receive an alert when they first use the app
- Pause the internet at the push of a button
Conversation starters
“How would you describe or define bullying? Is it something that happens at your school or inside your social group?”
“What do you think is “too much” when it comes to joking or teasing among friends – when does it cross the line?”
“Why do you think some people bully others? How does that make them feel?”
“If someone in your friend group were to get bullied on chat, how would you try to help them? Would you hesitate? Why?”
“How could I best help you in a situation where you experienced bullying?”
Bullying in group chats: final thoughts
Group chats are a key feature of messaging apps and can be a fun way for friend groups to catch up, share jokes and memes, and generally stay connected no matter the time of day. However, for many young users, the banter and teasing that’s so common on group chats can quickly turn into bullying and harassment.
By helping your child recognize bullying in all its forms – and understand other risks of group chats, such as exposure to inappropriate content, contact from strangers, and excessive screen time – you can help create a safer, more positive chatting experience for your teen.
