Tags, texts, voice notes, replies, new emails, retweets, new comments, new followers, new profile views: a steady stream of pings calls out, vying for attention almost as soon as the new day begins. A recent Common Sense Media report showed that around half of 11 to 17-year-olds get over 200 notifications on their phone each day, with some teens’ phones reporting a high of 4,500. These notifications can start almost as soon as kids have access to smartphones: in the UK, a Year 6 (5th grade) school teacher reported picking up his pupil’s phone only to be met with 9,000 unread messages from the class WhatsApp group, all received overnight.
This need for constant connection can take its toll, as ever-present technology, social media, and always-on devices contribute to a sense of what some wellbeing professionals are calling “digital anxiety”. With each buzz comes a new distraction, along with a need to check in or be in the loop: especially during the teen years, where strong social bonds and being accepted are top of mind. So what can we do to help our kids?
What is digital anxiety?
The overwhelm that comes from being constantly connected and available through our digital devices can eventually cause us, and our children, to experience digital anxiety. As is the case with other forms of anxiety, the threshold isn’t the same for everyone – we all have different levels of tolerance for how much content we can create or consume, and how much online communication we’re comfortable with before we start feeling like it’s just too much. The feeling most often comes up on social media platforms, while we’re consuming news-related items or doing online research, as well as inside messaging apps.
Digital anxiety’s impact on wellbeing
Small amounts of stress lasting for short periods of time can be helpful if we see it as a signal that something seems “off”, and create meaningful change as a result. If this kind of stress remains unchecked, though, it can build and become detrimental to both our physical and emotional wellbeing, impacting our moods, relationships, and behavior.
Digital anxiety can leave us feeling irritable or frustrated, excessively worried (think: doomscrolling for hours), doubting ourselves and our self-worth (think: viewing picture-perfect fashion or exploring dreamy vacation reels on Instagram), and in more severe cases, it may even contribute to feelings of deep sadness and depression.
What do anxiety symptoms look like in teens and children?
Anxiety is a common mental health issue among children and teens, but it can be hard to spot because it can show up in a number of different, sometimes contradictory, ways:
- “Low-energy” behavior such as withdrawal and avoidance
- In contrast, “high-energy” behavior such as frustration, preoccupation, and emotional outbursts
- Common physical symptoms such as stomach or head aches.
Any one, or a combination, of these can also lead children to develop worries, apprehensions, and fears around things like going to school, being in public, eating certain foods, or being away from their caregivers, among others. It’s easy to see how these symptoms can ultimately impact children’s ability to learn and concentrate, form and maintain friendships, and build self-confidence and a positive sense of who they are in the world.
How can parents help?
Managing children’s access to technology and building healthy boundaries around high-quality age-appropriate digital content – and technology use in general – are important aspects of parenting in the age of technology. Parents can start small, and begin by considering their child’s biological age, maturity level, personality and temperament.
Children have different levels of interest in technology, and while some have an easy time transitioning between tech-based and non-tech activities, others struggle. They can also differ in their levels of curiosity and desire to push boundaries, their emotional sensitivity, and the development of their critical thinking skills can happen at vastly different rates.
All of this information will help parents make decisions around what kind – and how much – digital content their child should be exposed to at different ages and stages of development, and what level of supervision or independence is appropriate for their child as they mature and grow.
What are some healthy digital habits families can work on?
A great way to establish a set of healthy digital habits and tech boundaries is to develop a family tech agreement, and ensure the whole family collaborates on the project. Use your unique insight into your child’s maturity and developmental needs to create a set of rules together, and reassess these periodically as your child grows and develops the skills they will need to become an increasingly responsible and independent tech user.
Some key habits and practices:
- Be clear on what age-appropriateness means online, and ensure your child accesses age-appropriate games and apps, along with other digital content like podcasts and streaming shows
- Set clear screen use and gaming schedules, with clear on and off times (on weeknights and weekends)
- Identify quality screen time vs “brain rot,” and have frequent conversations about the importance of maximizing beneficial online experiences
- Remove devices from bedrooms
- As much as possible, avoid digital activities before school
- Engage your child in digital co-viewing and co-playing, where you watch or play along with them
- Ensure that if your child engages in solitary device use (e.g. alone in their bedroom) you have insight into what they are doing
- Establish an ongoing conversation with your child about technology: talk to them about what they like and dislike about it, how it helps and hinders their wellbeing, relationships, and learning goals, and what we can all do to improve our digital wellbeing and online safety – parents included!
Does social media cause anxiety?
Events in both the online and offline worlds can cause us to experience anxiety, and certain online experiences can either worsen children’s existing anxiety-related symptoms or cause these to develop.
Social media platforms, in particular, are one big area of concern for a number of reasons:
- Bullying is made easier by the lack of immediate in-person recourse and the ability to remain anonymous. Other negative behaviors such as ignoring friends and classmates or gossiping about them is also made easier in virtual spaces.
- Social comparison, a phenomenon that is healthy in measured amounts, skyrockets on platforms like Instagram, TikTok Tok and YouTube, causing a sense of being ‘lesser-than’. For young girls in particular, the exposure to highly filtered and staged (read: unrealistic) body, beauty and lifestyle images can be highly detrimental to their self-esteem, body image, and mood.
- The proliferation of mis- and disinformation can be hard to navigate, made harder by generative AI, and can erode the sense of trust and confidence.
- Information overload and constant connectivity can cause feelings of overwhelm and frustration. Social platforms are built to maximise engagement and the consumption or creation of content, through what is known as “persuasive design” (for example, the infinite scroll, the auto-play function, or ‘Recommended’ content).
- The content on these platforms is user-generated and while there is some level of moderation, harmful content (and bad actors who create it) is still present and can find its way to our children. In worst-case scenarios, some children may be exposed to key online safety risks like grooming, pornography, dangerous challenges, sextortion, and content that is harmful to their mental and physical health.
When should teens seek help?
Adolescence is always a time of great change, but for some children it unfolds more smoothly than for others. If difficult or troubling feelings like sadness, overwhelm, and worry persist and you notice other problematic behavioral patterns such as withdrawal, a lack or excess of sleep, or changes in weight, first speak to your child about what you’ve noticed and find out what their idea of getting help or ‘feeling better’ looks like (especially if you have a teen).
If you do have an older child, it’s highly likely that they’ve already explored resources online or have sought help from content creators on social media or mental health and wellbeing apps. Find out, without being judgmental, if they have and whether any of these resources proved to be helpful.
If what you and your child have tried so far hasn’t helped, you may want to consult with your pediatrician or primary care physician and then if needed, a licensed mental health professional such as psychiatrist, psychologist, family therapist, or a counselor. Keep in mind an important difference between today’s generations of younger Gen Zers and Alphas as compared to their Millennial and Gen X parents: young people today tend to feel more comfortable communicating via digital platforms, so your child might need some additional support if they’ll be seeing a licensed mental health professional face-to-face.
This content is designed for educational and informational purposes. The information presented here is not intended as a substitute for any kind of professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
