If your child has their own phone – or you’re thinking about getting them one – sooner or later, there’s a conversation you won’t be able to put off having: sexting. While it might be uncomfortable for everyone involved, it’s also a very important talk to have, and revisit.
But “sexting” isn’t just as simple as teens sharing racy texts with their crush – it can happen in many different ways, and as parents, we might not even realize what it looks like. Teens are now growing up in an era where sharing photos, chatting openly with crushes online, and flirting over social media is completely normal.
The good news is you don’t have to be a tech expert to keep up. With the right information and ways to support open communication, you’ll be halfway there in helping them stay safe as they explore and giving them the tools they need to make better decisions about the messages, pictures, and information they share.
What is sexting?
The word “sexting” is a combination of sex and texting. It represents the act of sending or receiving messages, pictures, or videos containing sexual content.
“Sexts” aren’t always explicit. It could be a photo, a video, or even just a conversation getting on the “heavier” side of flirting – texts and images that look more innocent could be part of a bigger picture. Sexting can be part of a healthy relationship between consenting adults, or older teens. But it does come with risks – especially for young people who might not understand the negative consequences these kinds of messages can have.
For teens, sexting isn’t always secretive. They can easily take part in it on the day-to-day apps they use, like:
- Messaging apps
- Social media
- Chats integrated in video games
When teens engage in sexting, they’re not always looking to do something “dangerous”. Sending and receiving these kinds of messages could come from a place of curiosity, genuine interest in another person, or wanting to “fit in” with their peers. Pressure and influence could also encourage them to take part, either coming from a partner, or someone they’ve met online who they trust more than they should.
When might teens start getting curious about sexting?
One of the things that surprises parents most about sexting is how early on it can start – not because teens are actively looking to engage in these kinds of conversations from early on, but because the digital world has a tendency to accelerate what’s normal and expected. Online chats, messages, and photo sharing puts kids in a position where they might start sharing personal information and content before they’re developmentally prepared to actually do so.
Various studies show that for most teens, sexting starts at around 15, but they may engage in it earlier – at around age 12 or 13. Early access to smartphones and social media doesn’t indicate that teens will eventually send these kinds of messages, but through access, they may be exposed to sexting earlier on. A simple message in a group chat, an image that slides into their DMs, or a flirtatious conversation that starts to change in tone without them wanting it to. This is why it’s important to speak about risky messaging practices and what’s “healthy” or “normal” for your child’s age group from a young age.
What are the risks of sexting?
It almost goes without saying that one of the main risks surrounding sexting involves sending and receiving risky or explicit messages and photos: but for teenagers, there’s more at stake. The time leading up to these messages being sent, or what happens after, can impact young people in different ways that parents need to be aware of:
1. Loss of control
We can’t control what other people share about us online, particularly in closed-off, private chats. Once a teen sends a message or image, they lose control of it. A message can be forwarded or screenshot, and an image can be shared with their peers or even strangers. This can happen in a matter of minutes, without your teen even knowing where it’s been sent or who’s now in possession of the original image.
2. Social pressure
Not all teens want to participate in sexting – some may become involved or start doing so simply because they believe it’s what’s expected of them, or “because everyone else is doing it”. This pressure can be subtle, but difficult to avoid, especially during an age where social belonging and being accepted feels incredibly important to teens.
3. Emotional wellbeing
When images or messages are shared without consent, the impact on teenagers can be emotionally and socially difficult. They may feel ashamed or embarrassed, scared that the image or message could be shared further, and worried that people might start to treat them differently. Kids can be bullied for things they share with others, even in private, with rumors and screenshots spreading across chats, schools, or social media. These worries have a direct impact on their wellbeing, and can affect relationships with friends or school attendance.
4. Sextortion
In more serious cases, private messages or images could be used against a child as blackmail, in a practice known as “sextortion”. Sextortion usually comes in the form of an online scam, where the perpetrator contacts the victim, engaging in conversation and building trust gradually, in order to request intimate photos. Once the victim sends pictures, the scammer threatens to post them on social media or share them with friends and family unless the victim sends money. It may sound extreme, but it’s a fast-growing scam: the Internet Watch Foundation reported a 72% increase in cases between 2024 and 2025.
Is sexting illegal?
The legality of sexting can be a bit of a gray area, as what’s “legal” depends quite a bit on the country and the specific situation. This said, when minors are involved, the law does tend to be stricter and clearer.
In many places, sharing or storing sexually explicit images of minors can fall under child sexual abuse material (CSAM) legislation, even if those images were actually created by the teenager themselves. To help protect victims, sharing intimate images without the consent of the person in them is usually taken very seriously, and in the age of AI and deepfake images, where pictures can even be created without consent, legal frameworks are being developed to help protect minors (and adults) in these situations.
This is where the gray area comes in – there are many different “sexting situations”, and context matters. Many legal systems try to distinguish between situations involving abuse or exploitation and those where teenagers act without fully understanding the consequences.
While it’s important your child understands what’s against the law and how serious sharing intimate information can be, remember that most young people don’t act with any intention to cause harm. They might share explicit messages and pictures because they haven’t been made aware of the dangers, are experiencing social pressure, or they trust someone they shouldn’t. This is why, to help guide teens, we want to emphasise digital education and prevention over punishment.
How to talk to your child or teen about sexting
Talking to your children about topics like sexting doesn’t exactly come naturally, but how you approach the conversation makes a big difference and can help you feel more comfortable. You’ll want to talk to your child or teen about sexting in age-appropriate ways that make sense to them. Here’s how to set up the sexting talk for different ages:
Talking to younger children
For younger kids, the most effective approach is to focus on basic ideas like privacy, and respect for their own bodies. You don’t need to go into detail about why, but just help them understand that some things shouldn’t be shared online, or with other people.
As they get older, your conversations can be more direct. For younger teens, it’s important to talk about pressure, how they might respond if someone asks them for an image, or to share something they don’t want to, and the fact that they have every right to say “no” without feeling bad about it.
Talking to teenagers
With older teens, your focus will shift to trust, consent, and long-term consequences. You’re not just focusing on risk avoidance at this age – you need to help them make more conscious, informed choices about the way they talk online and what they share with other people.
Whether you’re talking to younger children or teens, one thing stays the same – your guidance and presence, creating a space where they can talk without fear of being judged or punished. When children feel this way, they’re less likely to come to you when a problem arises, and we risk it getting worse, or them keeping it to themselves without help or guidance.
Helping your child develop healthy boundaries around messaging
Online safety isn’t just a one-and-done conversation. Ongoing learning and healthy boundaries to keep tech use age-appropriate and safe help children and teens explore the digital world and gain more freedom as they grow. Here are some ways you can help young people build healthier relationships online and set out boundaries as they chat and message each other:
Technology as an ally
Tech, when used intentionally and thoughtfully, can also help bring balance and safety. Parental controls, for example, can help limit access to certain apps or give more insight into how children are using their devices, especially at younger ages.
Tools like Qustodio’s messaging alerts can help detect potential warning signs without showing full conversations. As parents, we don’t want to invade privacy, but we do want to stay close while giving them room to grow, guiding and supervising if potentially risky situations come up, such as cyberbullying, sexual content, or predatory behavior.
Our own example to teens
Another crucial part of setting digital boundaries that we sometimes overlook is the example we set ourselves. Educating our kids about online life doesn’t start as soon as they get their own phone, or when they become a teen – it starts much earlier. If we share images of children in intimate situations from a young age (think bathtime photos) without stopping to consider their privacy, we’re sending the message that this kind of sharing and exposure is normal.
Teaching children to protect their own privacy, especially online, starts with choices we make that they will later learn from:
- Thinking before we post
- Respecting their digital footprint (everything that can be seen and will be seen about them online)
- Showing them that some things are best kept private and offline
Sexting is now part of digital life that today’s teenagers are growing up in, and avoiding the topic doesn’t make it go away. Openness, trust, and guidance, teamed with tools to help children access technology in age-appropriate ways, is usually the most effective approach, much more than an outright ban.
As parents, we don’t need to have all the answers, but we can make a change through being available, informed, and willing to listen without judgment – as our children navigate online spaces and challenges with our support.
