Safe digital access for kids is comparable to the time you’ll want to set them up with their first car. You wouldn’t give them the keys without functioning brakes and seat belts – and you wouldn’t want them to set off without the wisdom of how to actually drive the car itself. Similarly, with tech, devices, and the internet, it’s essential to ensure their access is safe and they understand the basics before handing anything over.
Digital access can be confusing for parents, with so much information and advice out there: when’s the right age to give your child a device? What settings are non-negotiable? What do I do if my child breaks one of our tech rules? It’s overwhelming, but that’s where the ABC Model for digital safety and wellbeing comes in. It has three memorable, key steps to help you create a safe environment that will not only protect your child, but help them thrive:
Access
Boundaries
Communication
Access: The digital seatbelt
Before handing over a smartphone, tablet, or gaming console to your child, you’ll want to use safety settings and parental controls, such as Qustodio, to filter or block inappropriate content, manage social media and gaming apps, and even help you supervise screen time effectively.
- Apply manual safety settings on all devices or use parental controls to block access to age-inappropriate apps and manage screen time.
- For children aged 10 years and under, turn on Google Safe Search and YouTube Restricted Mode on the devices your child uses.
- Have a strict ‘off’ time at night. You can use parental controls to block access to social media and entertainment apps after bedtime.
- Ensure your child’s identity is kept private on social media and gaming apps by turning on privacy settings and turning geolocation off for apps where it is not essential.
- For children aged 10 years and under, set up all apps and accounts using a parent’s email address and password (and of course, don’t reveal the password to your child).
- As you implement these steps with your child, engage them in conversations around online safety, and the differences between safe versus unsafe use of devices and online platforms.
Boundaries: The online road rules
Just like the road signs that guide us while driving, setting clear boundaries and rules for your child’s device and internet use is vital. Remember that when creating any kind of agreement or establishing screen routines, you should involve your children to ensure everyone is on the same page and they work for all family members.
Expect rule-breaking to happen, especially if you have young teens; however, when it does, reinforcing boundaries and correcting inappropriate behavior is just as important (if not more so) as the boundaries themselves and will pay off in the long run.
Here’s how to get started with setting boundaries:
1. Develop a family digital agreement to set clear rules about online behaviors.
Include rules about appropriate ways to communicate online and the role you will take in their digital lives, e.g., whether you will follow their social media accounts. Working through an agreement as a family is a great way to ensure everybody is on the same page and to help your child feel empowered. Qustodio’s free printable digital agreement, with talking points and safety settings tailored by age, is a great way to get started if you don’t know where to begin.
2. Have both positive and negative consequences.
Many parents only use negative consequences for behavior they don’t expect to see; however, having positive consequences for good online behavior reinforces learning much faster.
3. Set up a screen routine.
Having clear boundaries regarding time spent online helps to manage expectations around when devices can be used. If your child is younger, this should be very structured (e.g., device leisure time between 4-5pm each day). For teenagers, there should be clear ‘off’ times (e.g., no screens after 8pm and no social media use during homework time – you can use a parental control tool to help enforce this).
4. Adopt a screen-free area or screen-free time in the home to help with digital downtime and opportunities for face-to-face connection.
The important thing to note is that these screen-free expectations apply to everybody in the home, including parents. Modeling is an essential part of online safety education. Children who use their devices in the later hours are less likely to be supervised, meaning they’re more likely to engage in riskier online behaviors.
Communication: The vehicle for digital safety and wellbeing
When communicating about online safety and digital wellbeing with your child, the key is to talk early and often, making conversations part of your everyday chat.
1. Become involved in your child’s digital life – respectfully. To effectively communicate with them regarding their online habits, you’ll need to learn about and become interested in the apps and games they’re using. Ask what they do and don’t like about the apps they’re using or what new skills they have mastered in a game they are playing. Be sure to keep the conversation positive to help them engage with you.
2. The key learning points around online safety for children in primary or elementary school are interacting with strangers online, catfishing (people pretending to be someone they aren’t), and online privacy. Conversations around how much control we have over our personal information and photos once uploaded or shared are also helpful.
3. If your child is older, keep the conversation broad. Young people of this age should be taught about dealing with online conflict and bullying, technology-related laws, the risks associated with sending nudes and succumbing to peer pressure, excessive technology use, digital footprints, and their online reputation.
4. Be sure to let your child know that they should always come to you with any worries or challenges they may be facing online. You ultimately want to be their go-to person for a thoughtful solution regarding any online concerns they have.
Bringing routine and structure to your child’s digital life helps everyone stay on the same page – while talking about digital risks and communicating them early and often helps children understand your perspective, too. With the help of the ABC model, you can create a digital environment that not only protects your child online but also helps them thrive.
